Nicole Kidman opened up about the sorrow of losing her parents, and recently shared a poignant update on her mental well-being after her mother, Janelle Ann Kidman, passed away in September. The Moulin Rouge!

Janelle Ann Kidman was the actress’s only living parent. Her father, Dr. Antony Kidman, died in September 2014. “So life is, whew,” she told GQ. “It’s definitely a journey. And it hits you as you get older.” Kidman admitted that it’s been a difficult last few months, calling it “a wake up at 3 a.m. crying and gasping kind of thing.”