In a new book, Maria Shriver shares how her life took a “brutal” turn after her 25-year marriage to Arnold Schwarzenegger ended, People reports. The 69-year-old former first lady of California once had it good—as an NBC anchor,

Shriver recalls the ensuing “self-pity party” that included “a litany of trips to various therapists, healers, shamans, and psychics” as she attempted to work herself out of the funk. That’s when she received some words of wisdom from Mother Dolores Hart, an American Roman Catholic Benedictine nun.

In a brand-new, tell-all memoir, however, the 69-year-old former journalist has reflected on the darkest time of her life, touching specifically on her shock divorce from former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger for the very first time.